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Making changes is easy when nothing is right.

For those of you who have or are struggling with mental or physical illness, personal tragedy or life altering periods of time you will understand the title statement. Change can only bring trepidation when the situation you are in is one that is that you have chosen, is inline with who you are and brings you a sense of contentment, benefit and delight. We may worry in these instances that the new situation may or may not bring the same.


However change is often freeing, uplifting and welcomed when we are going through one of life's tough periods or in a cycle of experiencing negative situations that share a commonality. It allows us choice and is an opportunity to let light in, feel less weighed down and enjoy life more.


We may not choose change for reasons we have decided upon that stop us from making a particular choice. A good example is leaving a job that makes us deeply unhappy but we rely on to pay our bills. In this case we have chosen to prioritise the job and all that this brings us over our feelings and exploring our thoughts about other job options, having less money or making significant changes to our life style in favour of greater contentment. In this case and any others where we have created our situation, being aware of the control we have in these situations and taking accountability for our choices can often relieve our sense of unhappiness or conflict. It can also prompt us to look carefully at our priorities and actively put first what we value. If this is a situation you find yourself in ask yourself the difficult questions -Am I open minded about the change I want to make, am I happy to reevaluate my reasons for not making that change and stand behind those choices as they are mine and not something someone is forcing me to do?


When things became unmanageable, toxic and deeply stressful at a particular high powered job I had, I found myself crying each day and not able to enjoy any part of my the life I had and was working so hard to build. I was a shadow of myself, acting out each part of every day waiting for it to end. My job and the relentless pressures that came with it, had sucked the joy and energy from my life and I was living a life I hated.


It took me to be told that a change needed to be made as I couldnt see the wood for the trees and felt that the intense negativity I was experiencing was because of me, my inadequacies and because I was not good enough to do any of the things infront of me on a daily basis. After speaking with my doctor, who was the person who impressed upon me that I needed to make a change to improve my mental health, I handed in my notice with no next step.


Some people will say this is brave. Social media would certainly add this spin. However that was not how I felt or what it looked like at all. There was no glamour. It felt like an utter failure, I was totally lost and even worse than that...I had no idea who I was and what I was meant to do now as my job was, in many ways, my identity and purpose. It also meant an enormous shift in many parts of my life such as the immediate knock on effect to my finances and therefore the finances of my family and the strain this situation had and was having on my marriage. This was a deeply upsetting time, a rollercoaster of emotions and uncertainty. However, I knew of the choices I had, I wanted to make that change in order to prioritise my heath and happiness in the long term and with that came immediate turmoil.


So I started in the week I handed in my notice ,with gusto, to make changes in pursuit of happiness. I went through periods of feeling intensely positive about this and other times of feeling very low and like a fraud. I set myself personal challenges, did things I had never wanted to do to push myself as far out of the life I had created as I could. I developed a business idea to start my own business within the same week I handed in my notice, went to a retreat by myself and immersed myself in reading. Some of these things had positive effects - many with no long term change in terms of my happiness. During this time it became clear to me that this one change I had made highlighted many elements of my life that needed re-evaluation as I had made choices for a number of years that aligned with someone I wasnt and never wanted to be. So I made many other changes regarding my relationships, boundaries and leisure time.



When all seems lost there is nothing to loose and therefore the changes I could and did make did not come with a consequence of diminishing my happiness as I hadn't felt a glimmer of true happiness for such a long time that even now I cannot determine everything disintegrated into the lowest time of my life.



The thing that was difficult during this time of extreme change was to find and commit to something, something that would anchor me. This was because I had totally lost who I was. I couldn't have told you then what I truly enjoyed anymore, what I wanted and certainly not what made me peaceful or contented. Change itself was not challenging - in fact the lack of responsibility and excitement that comes with 'the new' was a pleasure and felt like a fresh start.


Change was a heady distraction. However, what I learnt was that change did not lead me to happiness. It provided and took energy, created more confusion and intrigue, was exciting and painful in equal measure. It was not hard but it did not always lead to gains in contentment longterm.


The hardest thing for me to do at this time was to be still and to accept what had happened. To stop chasing the new or fight the old and instead be quiet and look to what was already there was incredibly hard. Looking inward and away from the bright lights and external noise of the world we live in today that promises the key to all our dreams - that was hard. To trust that I knew me better than anyone else knew me and therefore could find my happiness - that was hard.


Change can be tough, but coming back to yourself after years of social conditioning, life changes and towing the line is not for the faint hearted...it is however the key to our happiness.


Change and growth are fiercely celebrated within the wellness industry to ensure that this industry remains lucrative. However, peeling your back layers, buying into less and listening to ourselves more costs nothing and will, by far, have the most long lasting effect on your health and happiness.


So if you feel there is something wrong with you, if you feel disconnected and unhappy with your life, that you not succeeding at work, that you aren't good enough within a relationship, that everyone else seems to be striding ahead in life or that you should be happy with your lot but you aren't...


Know that change is good, but returning to who you are is everything.


If you are struggling with something that feels too heavy to carry or cannot be changed remember that you always have choice and the ability to look within to find your contentment. This can sometimes be a long and complex road and often can be made much easier by exploring professional routes such as counselling or holistic therapies; both can make you aware of things that shape your experiences and provide you with a perspective that allows you to confidently identify and prioritise your true nature, needs and wants.


As ever, if this post leaves you with questions or you need further guidance or support please don't hesitate to contact us via email or instagram and we will be there to help, listen or guide you towards improved health and happiness.




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